8 randoms meme

i have a gigantic bladder. when i'm drinknig (esp. of late) i like to talk about how huge my bladder is...you might hear me say something like "my bladder is my entire midriff...how big is *your* bladder?" if you are a male and you're hanging out with me (esp. of late) i might make fun of how small your bladder is compared to mine.

i sing when i'm on the toilet. i make up songs when i'm on the toilet. sometimes i'm sitting on the toilet for an hour because i'm having so much fun making up and singing songs that i don't want to get up. as soon as i leave the bathroom i stop singing songs and start talking to myself. some lyrics to a song i wrote recently on the toilet: "if you want to see a nice set of bladder/ look no further than me/ if you want to see a nice pair of hair/ look no further than my brother/ if you want to see a nice hand of clothes/ look no further than my sister" etc.

another song that i like to sing is sort of a free form list poem song that sounds something like: "next time you're in new haven/ and you're looking for a gift/ open up your wallet/ and bring me some of this.../ bring me paper towels and coffee/ and dish soap and toffee/ bring me caramels and clorox/ dental floss and moving box/ comic books and tv's/ bring me chicken wings it's easy!/ when you're walking down the street/ and you smell something neat/ think of me/ think of me/ when you're dreaming in your bed/ birds flying 'round your head/ fall in love with me/ fall in love with me/ when you're drinking whiskey drinks/ at the bar with girly winks/ think of spinning tops and gum ball drops and ice cream too and spittin' chew and baseball diamond, windchime chimmin'.../ think of me/ think of me..."

i've almost been shot three times:

1. on Hegenburger Rd. in Oakland. i had a glock 9 put in my stomach.

2. near Point Molate in Richmond. this time we were just sort of threatened. no gun was actually pulled. but he wanted to shoot us. his gun was tucked into his belt. we had to speed off in a car very fast.

3. on Fulton and Masonic in SF (my old neighborhood). i went to grab some Sun Chips at the corner store. a show just got out at Storyville. a fight broke out. i watch the fight. dude pulls out a gun and starts shooting into the crowd (shooting sideways no less). the car i'm standing behind takes 3 bullets. i sort of dive down because most of the bullets are hitting near me. a Caddy pulls up. dude shooting jumps in the car and they speed off.

i used to be a very big guy. i used to weigh 260lbs. now i weigh 190. i used to wear a size 42 pant. now i wear a 33 or 34. i lost all the weight in maybe 6 or 7 months.

i'm most attracted to girl's with "strong" faces. i.e., bridged noses...i think Sofia Coppola is amazing to look at. i've realized that telling a girl that they look like Sofia Coppola can be taken as either a compliment or an insult. also, i'm attracted to women in their 40's.

my friend Billy works in Hollywood. he has to deal with celebrities all day. he hates celebrities. he says that everyone in Hollywood (the business) hates celebrities. he says that Jessica Alba is the only celebrity he's met that is even more beautiful in person than on film. he says that most other celebrities are pretty budget. like, he says that Jessica Simpson is pretty budget. i've never really understood the Jessica Alba thing. she's mousey. she doesn't have a "strong" face. but maybe if i met her in person i would change my mind.

and i was Jello Biafra's merch guy. and all the cute little punk rock kids would look at me like i was best friends with Jello. and all the cute little punk rock kids's moms would look at me like "don't you dare sell that Alternative Tentacle BUSH=NAZI t-shirt to my little boy..."

i'm a very patriotic person. i think that being patriotic has very little to do with politics. i think that poetry, skateboarding and hip hop are all very patriotic things.