An Island In The Moon

AN ISLAND IN THE MOON
ADAPTED FOR GARY PARRISH'S HOUSE BY JOHN SAKKIS
2005

Setting: An Island In The Moon
Characters: The Narrator, Suction The Epicurean, Sipsop The Pythagorean, Quid The Cynic (the three philosophers)

The Narrator (with a hangman’s noose around his neck): In the moon, is a certain island near by a mighty continent, which small island seems to have some affinity to England. And what is more extraordinary the people are so much alike and their language so much the same that you would think you were among your friends. (as the narrator introduces the characters each bows as his/her name is said) And their names were Sipsop The Pythagorean, Quid The Cynic, and Suction The Epicurean.

Sipsop (pointing at Suction): I don’t like his eyes.

Quid (agreeing): He’s a foolish puppy.

Suction: Hang names, what’s Pharaoh better than Phebus or Phebus than Pharaoh. Hang them both.

Quid: Don’t be profane.

Suction: I don’t think its profane to say hang Pharaoh. I’m sure you ought to hold your tongue, for you never say anything about the scriptures, and you hinder your husband from going to church.

Quid: If it was not for churches and chapels I should not have lived so long, there was I up in the morning at four o clock when I was a girl. I would run like the dickens till I was all in a heat. I would stand till I was ready to sink into the earth. Ah, Mr. Sipsop The Pythagorean would kick the bottom of the pulpit out, with passion, would tear off the sleeve of his gown, and his wig on fire and throw it at the people. He’d cry and stamp and kick and sweat and all for the good of their souls.

Suction: I’m sure he must be a wicked villain. A passionate wretch. If I were a real man I’d wait at the bottom of the pulpit stairs and knock him down and run away.

Quid: You would you ignorant jade, I wish I could see you hit any of the ministers. You deserve to have your ears boxed you do.

Suction (hair suddenly bursting into flames): No no he did not, I was only making a fool of you!

Sipsop (sung as a ballad): When old corruption first begun
Adorned in yellow vest
He committed on flesh whoredom
O what a wicked beast
From them a callow babe did spring
And old corruption smiled
To think his race should never end
For now he had a child
He called him surgery and fed
The babe with his own milk
For flesh and he could never agree
She would not let him suck

Suction: You think we are rascals and we think you are rascals. I do as I choose, what is it to anybody what I do? I am always unhappy too. When I think of surgery, I don’t know, I do it because I like it. My father does what he likes and so do I! I think some how I’ll leave it off; there was a woman having her cancer cut and she shrieked so, that I was quite sick.

Sipsop: They call women the weakest vessel but I think they are the strongest. A girl (pointing at Quid) has always more tongue than a boy. I have seen a little brat no higher than a nettle, and she had as much tongue as a city clark, but a boy would be such a fool not have anything to say, and if anybody asked him a question he would put his head into a hole and hide it. I am sure I take but little pleasure, you have as much pleasure as I have. There I stand and bear every fools insult. If I had only myself to care for I’d wring off their noses.

Quid: Goodnight. (exit Suction and Sipsop) (to audience): I think that Homer is bombast and Shakespeare is too wild and Milton has no feelings they might be easily outdone. Chatterton never wrote those poems. A parcel of fools going to Bristol—if I was to go I’d find it out in a minute. But I’ve found it out already—if I don’t knock them all up next year in the Exhibition I’ll be hanged (points to the narrator). Hang philosophy. I would not give a farthing for it, do all by your feelings and never think at all about it. I’m hanged if I don’t get up tomorrow morning by four o clock and work dear audience. Before ten years are at an end how I will work these poor milk sop devils, and ignorant pack of wretches?

The Narrator (to audience): Thus these happy Islanders spent their time but felicity does not last long. For being met at the house of the Parish these events would repeat endlessly as the moon in her orbit.