LA/ THE SMELL/ WEEKEND HIGHLIGHTS

i think i speak for Logan when i say that we had an amazing time in LA over the weekend.

HIGHLIGHTS:

Sat.

driving down the 101 and not seeing a drop of rain, making the trip South just under 6 hours

Billy and Meg welcoming me and Logan into their sweet West Hollywood (WEHO) apartment

afternoon beer drinking at Billy's with Logi, James, Emma, Billy and Meg

me going pee and then flushing and then water rising really fast and then couldn't find a plunger and then cat poop and papertowel and my pee come flooding out of toilet onto the floor

me trying to wake a comotose Billy to tell him that i just flooded their LA (WEHO) toilet

Billy not-waking-up-at-all...me shaking Billy saying "dude, wake up! i just flooded your toilet...WAKE UP!!! WHERE'S THE PLUNGER?!!!" and Billy just totally not responding, me grabbing Billy's feet and tickling them with Logan laughing on the couch frantically trying to wake him up...Billy waking up and me saying "dude i just flooded your toilet, what should i do?" and Billy still totally asleep mode says "i'm cool..." and i say "WHAT?! wake up!" and Billy opens his eyes and smiles and flips me off with both hands...me thinking "this isn't working" and calling Meg to wake Billy up...Meg wakes Billy up after shouting "BILLY WAKE THE FUCK UP!" into his ear and they go into the bathroom and clean up my pee and cat poop and paper towel

later that night.

heading over to Tiny's in Hollywood proper in the crazy dump rain

paying 5 dollars for a Pabst in a can (LA!)

getting the coke-stare from these three dudes at the bar, one of them wearing a neon-bedazzled hoodie...fucking totally gacked out dudes...they looked scary Eastern European.

seeing the girl the coked out dudes were with pick up one of the dudes digital cameras and just totally chuck it out the bar door into oncoming traffic in the pouring rain

seeing same girl get into an arguement with one of the other dudes outside the bar grabbing an acoustic guitar and swinging at dudes head/ and or threatening to break the guitar on the sidewalk

seeing same girl then physically beat the shit out of one of the dudes in a doorway a block down...(he was okay though, he was coke-numb and laughing)

cut to

"this bar is wack, this bar is pre-fab, let's go"

cut to

Billy is totally swerved and wants to drive his car, Meg says "get out Billy," Billy says "hell no," Meg says "Billy get the ef' out of the car..." Billy says "okay"...Billy is in his socks for some reason, it's raining out, Billy doesn't get in the back seat but walks behind the car and opens the trunk and climbs in...from the trunk Billy is shouting "you're all a bunch of assholes! i'm in my fucking socks! do you know how far i had to walk in my socks to pick up the car?! far! really far! assholes! i don't give a shit...buy me new shoes...gurgle...those are my fucking shoes and they're wet! assholes! gurgle...where we going?!"...

we drive to a vodka bar called Lubich...me, James, Emma and Logan get out of the car...there is a line to get into the bar...this doesn't bode well...how the people in line are dressed doesn't bode well...girls are wearing heels (but like, LA heels) and there is 3 inches of water on the sidewalk, dudes are dressed in pastel stripy collard shirts and slacks...Emma says what were all thinking "hell to the no..."...Billy and Meg are trying to park the car so i run over and say "look, i know you're supposed to meet up with some friends here but i don't think any of us are comfortable with this bar..." Billy looks angry, Meg says "okay, let's go..."...we all pile back in...Emma gets a call from her friend Jason (by the by, Emma grew up in LA so...) who says "pick up some beer and come over..." we go to pick up beer at this neat Russian liquor store...i buy a six pack of Bud and a Butterfinger and a 3 dollar beanie...the guy rings me up and says "that'll be 56.50"...i say "uh..."...and he says "yeah?" and i say "its just a candy and a hat and some beer..." and he says "oh, this black label whiskey isn't yours...?" i say "no" he says "that'll be 10.50" i say "thanks..." i give Billy the Butterfinger hoping to cheer him up, he inhales it...Meg and Billy drop us off at Jason's place...we meet Jason, a very sweet guy with a very cool apartment...we drink beers and look at his family photos and goof off...Billy and Meg arrive and join in the fun...Billy seems to be in a much happier mood...we finish the beer and pack in the car and head back to Billy's. we raid the fridge, i eat leftover Lo Mein and a bagel...i pay for this dearly the next day.

Sunday.

we all sleep in and wake up and eat breakfast and drink coffee and lounge. we end up playing Wii Golf and Baseball and Tennis. Meg
shit talks Logan so hard i think he's going to cry. Meg is the best shit talkin' girl i know. she's amazing and Billy is lucky to have her. Logan sort of warms up to the whole situation and starts giving it back to Meg. Meg takes it but still pretty much clobers Logan with lot's of emasculating jokes about sexual prowess etc...

around 4pm we head Downtown to try and find The Smell and a local bar.

Downtown is amazing. Downtown is like a real city vs. the rest of LA (not hating just saying). big buildings, gusty winds, a bit seedy, nice.

we park and set off looking for the venue. we spot a shady allyway behind two shady bars. we walk down the allyway and spot a warehouse looking space wtih graffiti all over the doors. we decide that this is the spot. onward looking for bars.

we decide not to go into either of the shady looking bars. these are Mexican bars and appear VERY local. we walk past one of the bars leaving the shady ally and see an armed security guard at the door. we think "yeah, let's not go in there..."

we walk to a chi chi bar called Peet's near by...the beers aren't too expensive and you can sit outside and smoke. we get beers and sit outside and smoke. James and Emma and Meg meet us at the bar and we have more beers and smokes and it's raining and cold and blustery out and we're all happy.

reading time is near so we all walk over to the ally where we think The Smell is located. turns out we were right, we see Joseph Mosconi (no photo?) at the door and introduce ourselves...Joseph is a super cool guy and he introduces us to The Smell folks and gives us the tour...he asks if we want to get a drink and we say yes...he says "there's this bar around the corner..." we say "the one with the armed security guard?" he says "yeah..." now that we're with a local we say "holy shit, let's go!"...we head over to the bar...the bar looks more like a cafeteria than a bar...it's huge and there is loud Bandas music blaring from their crazy huge sound system...the place is packed with Mexicans drinking and dancing. we are stared at a lot. we order our beers (Tecate with lime!) and grab a table...we sit and enjoy the Bandas...everybody is staring at us but not in a hostile way...just like a "these gringos must be lost" kind of way...Billy and Meg decide to do some Bandas dancing and head to the dance floor...they dance the Bandas and look good doing it...everybody is happy drinking their Tecate's and nodding their heads and chatting with Mexican people in Spanish "un Tecate por favor" (highschool Spanish natch...)...reading time is near so we leave.

back at The Smell...the place is packed! seriously, we were worried nobody was going to show because of the crazy storm...but no, the place was packed to the brim...Joseph introduced me to Ara Shirinyan and Matt Timmons...great dudes. chatted a bit about Demo Agrafiotis with Matt and Ara...looked at what Ara's been up to with his press etc...Matt invited us to do the LA Lit Podcast interview next time we were in LA...very nice. Joseph introduced me to Harold Abramowitz from Betalevel,again, great dude...Harold invited me to read at Betalevel in the near future, very nice...things are awesome...new people, new venue, poetry fans i've never seen or met, a great beer high in full effect etc.

the reading...Joseph introduces me, I read from Rude Girl for about 20 minutes...the second reader Mady Shutzman reads next, Logan reads last...Logan read from Stupid Birds as well as The Singers...Logan was pretty funny on stage...lots of big breathing, foot stomping and forboding stares into the audience...logan read his new two word poem "Vote Obama" is goes something like "vote/ Obama"...the reading is over and people are buying books and chatting us up and we feel great about the whole thing, people are complimenting Rude Girl and talking to me about ghosts and love etc...Joseph then comes up to me and puts some cash in my hand and says "here you go" and i say "what's this for?" and he says "for the reading" and i say "i didnt' even know we were getting paid" and he says "yeah, from the 5 dollar cover at the door"...and i'm thinking "gettin' paid for poetry is the bomb..."

Joseph, me, Logan, Billy and Meg head over to this place around the corner called Bar 107...i'm in heaven at this bar...this is the most SF i've seen in LA since we drove into town (which is lame in a way that i need SF in LA but...)...a very low key, non-prefab, dark, great jukebox kind of bar, very rock and roll...we have cheap beers and cheap shots and take photobooth pictures and play 80's arcade games (okay, photobooths and 80's arcade games is about as prefab as you can get but i'm not complaining)...and can i just say, Joseph Mosconi is the best Ms. Pacman player i've ever seen...he was trying to shrug it off but whatever...we went head to head on that bitch and he just killed me...dude has wrist skills for real, he's good, very very good, a wonder to watch...i killed, per usual, on Gallaga, getting to level 12 in just under 15 minutes (only a quater!)...but J. Mosconi is king on Ms. Pacman...we all danced around a bunch to the great music blaring out of the juke...a girl dancing next to me turned to me, gave me a wink and then growled...i think that was a good...my brother thought that was a good thing. we all bounced...Joseph went his way and me, Log, Emma and James went our way...

in the car from Bar 107 Emma was playing Joy Division...we were all singing Joy Division...Logan got offended when i started to improvise the lyrics...he said "hey, don't make fun of the postpunk, i don't make fun of all that hip hop you listen to..." i said "i'm not making fun, it's a homage!" logan was placated...i was very drunk so i was pulling my brother's hair and yanking on his seatbelt screaming "Dolce and Gabana! Dolce and Gabana!" i was doing that because Emma wears Dolce and Gabana glasses and i thought it was hilarious at the time...we head back to Jason's...we drink lot's more at Jason's...Logan and i decide to catch a cab on Sunset...we walk from Jason's to Sunset...when we hit Sunsent i start walking 'right' because that's what Jason and Emma said to do...Logan says "hey Johnny! we're supposed to go left!" i say "no, they said go right" he says "i don't care what they said, they're wroooong...it's left!" logan is very very very drunk, stink-eye drunk...i say "nonono, we're going right..." logan sits down on the sidewalk and says "nope! ima nota going any further...you're wrong, we're going left goddamnit and we're going left right now!!!" i keep walking...Logan gets up and follows me...we hit an intersection and hail a cab and tell the cab where to go...the cab driver is either an idiot or trying to bank on us...i have to call Billy like 4 times and correct the cab driver like 5 times on where he's going...i say "we're from San Francisco..."...we arrive, finally at Billy's...the cab ride was like 12 dollars, i hand the cab driver a 20 and say give me 9 back thinking that i was giving him an amazing tip...seriously, i wasn't trying to get over on the cab driver...in my mind i was tipping dude like 6 bucks...Logan leans over and whispers what i thought was "dude, you're tipping him 6 bucks..." to which i replied "i know, but it's cool, i'm on vacation..." turns out logan actually whispered "dude, you're only tipping him half a buck"...and then when we get out of the cab logan says "you just tipped that guy like 60 cents..." and i was like "no i didn't, i tipped him 6 bucks..." and then Logan does the math for me and i realize i'm a drunk San Franciscan idiot...i feel bad.

Logan and i get into our pj's and turn on the TV...i raid the fridge once again finding only BBQ sauce and Kraft cheese slices...i eat that standing up...blegh my poor digestive system...logan turns on some hockey and yells "HOCKEY...GAME OF THE FUTURE..." this makes me laugh very hard because he's totally serious...Logan is in full stink-eye mode...we turn on The Soup and he can't stop screaming at the tv "boo...you're not funny! you're a hack!!! i could write better material in my sleep...boo...not.funny.not.funny.not.funny..." i'm laughing my ass off and Logan looks like he's about to punch me in the face...Logan turns it to The Matrix Revolutions and just goes ape shit "WORST MOVIE EVER...FUCK YOU KEANU REEVES...B.O.R.I.N.G! B.O.R.I.N.G! ANY OF US COULD WRITE BETTER THAN THESE HACKS! THIS IS BULLSHIT...HOLY FUCK I'M PISSED, WHAT ARE YOU EATING, WHAT IS THAT? BBQ SAUCE? I WANNA BAGEL YOU ASSHOLE...MORPHEUS CAN SUCK MINE!!!!" etc...we go to bed (pass out)

Monday was uneventful...more lounging around the apartment, watching Obama videos, drinking coffee with Billy and Meg etc...picked up Emma and James from Jason's around 2 and hit the road for the Bay...did the usual roadtrip I-5 stuff the whole way back: played Yatzee, had a Bonjovi singalong, ate at In n' Out Burger, ate candy etc. arrived back in SF in just over 6 hours...not bad at all...all in all it was a fabulous and much need mini-vacation...huge thanks to Joseph "Ms. Pacman" Mosconi for inviting us down...and thanks to all the LA poeterati for being such supporters...looking forward to seeing you guys again soon.

lot's and lot's of photos from the trip and reading to come...

xoxoxoxoxoxo-John