everyone who knows me also knows that i eat probably a few hundred, nay thousand, pistachio nuts a week...i love my pistachios, i love my pistachios so much i have blisters on my pointer fingers from cracking shells...and then the recall happened and i was like 'whatever, doesn't affect me, i'm practically made of pistachios'...but also Kirkland, my favorite brand of nut, hadn't been mentioned in the media as one of the suspect brands...until i received a notice from the grocery basically saying "if you have any bags of Kirkland pistachio nuts matching this UPC number they may be contaminated with salmonella"...and then i begrudgingly check the UPCs on my 3 huge bags of pistachio nuts and lo and what the fuck behold they match...all three goddamn bags...on the one hand it kind of explains my poops for the last 3 weeks but on the other hand i might just be a hypochondriac but then again on the other hand my stomach has been acting really weird and i've been getting kind of freaked out in a "i'm currently listening to Joan Baez's Where Are You Now, My Son? and drinking a tall can of Miller on a Wednesday cause the power went out on 7th and Gilman and SPD sent us home" kind of way...i'm not happy but maybe my stomach is, maybe Joan Baez is, maybe SPD is...
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