LOL, look at my sun burnt shoulder. Looks like Easter lamb. HAHA. Cancer.

We went on a trip to Truckee, Tahoe. My brother's 29th birthday. "Hot tubs" roughing it.

 

there is no normalizing the word MILF. i wish pop culture would stop trying.


i could care less about animals but have you guys ever seen a stub nosed monkey? they look like elves. or michael jackson. or princess mononoke.


it's really not fair though, the only songs ever sung on MUNI sound like halitosis infected with Hep C wearing a vomit and E&J stained dirty Duster style trench coat...


“Jesus Christmas, holy Jesus God damn, Jesus jumping Christmas shit”


it smells like field-porn outside...


you've aged as well as a Paul Frank t-shirt...

i'm so emotional today. cried during This Week In Baseball. cried during the Kentucky Derby. cried 3 times in 1 episode of Friday Night Lights. crycrycry, that's all i ever do.

Madmartigan

can't stand people who stretch in front of me. want to throw up in their lap. 

no hulu hoops allowed...

John Sakkis flaunts (flaunts!) his bikini body/ baby bump...

"John is fixing his toilet so he will be arriving late. "

Senior Frogs.

i'm a studio gangster...

Ryan Vogelsong don't be an asshole.

roller coaster ride enthusiast.

the death of Gavroche!

I'm off to the Peninsula to eat an entire lamb with my family. 

i strained my neck this morning puffing on my asthma inhaler. i feel like Revenge Of The Nerds II: Nerds In Paradise...

which poet do you think is going to write the inevitable over-thinking it blog post/ essay defending the new Lady Gaga album cover? willing to bet whoever it is references Zizek, Kitsch, Glam...

the most interesting thing you can do to a wall nowadays is buff it...stencil-art is an oxymoron. saying "street art" is like rocking JNKOs in 2011. i don't care about your fucking mural.

Portes, Plakoto, Fevga.

Ashley Judd calls Rap music misogynistic gets called a racist by feminists...

streaming Eat Pray Love might have not been such a good idea. currently at the part where Julia Roberts eats a really good plate of spaghetti...now i'm on the part where Julia Roberts eats a really good cantaloupe...

now i'm on the part where Julia Roberts eats a really good slice of pizza in Naples, FML.

now i'm on the part where Julia Roberts takes a cab in India.

pimps in the woods. i dreamt about pimps in the woods.

Jezebel is mad because Sleigh Bells sang about "dumb whores"...only they didn't, they sang about "devil horns"...

I'm not a shit-head i just flush a lot.

Cholombians are the new Juggalos.

Hurricane but you can call me Slurricane...

and now we're going to Libya! cause it's totally our business to win a revolution for them! sweet!


‎"Are clams alive?" "Yes/ No" "This answer is: Irrelevant Little important Somewhat important Very important Mandatory"


dreamt i was landing so many heel flips.


is Kurt Loder still on MTV?


for I have dined on honeydew!

my band is called BOTH BOTH...

heyhey, reading at Condensery at the end of the month...

Dear Friends,

We are pleased to invite to our series this month for the readings of:

Julia Drescher, CJ Martin and John Sakkis

on Saturday May 28th

Doors at 7:30, reading will begin promptly at 8

Condensery takes place at:

604 56th at Shattuck
in Oakland

The reading is free.
Some wine and snacks will be served.
BYOB as always.
Street parking / porch for bikes.


Pen/cil us in. We hope to see you then!



Zack Tuck and Jack Frost

BARRY ZITO'S ANKLE. THIS IS MY LAST CIGARETTE. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. THE READING HASN'T STARTED YET. I WISH I COULD MAKEOUT ALL OVER YOU. PEPPERMINT ICE CREAM. FUCK MY LIFE. FONTENOT IS AS BIG AS LOGAN RYAN SMITH. I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO JAZZ GUITAR. I LOVE PISHA W.. GIANTS WIN. TACO WARS OR THRASHER RAMP JAM. TURNTABLE SETUP. I'M COMING TO LA. I'M COMING TO OAKLAND. LET'S GET NAKED.

Saturday morning Baseball, Cubs vs Reds, coffee, chapbook organizing...recovering from Art Murmur, brown bagging, Ruby Room, Carl and Mike and Kenower and Morrill.

Crap Message From A Girl or, Dudes Aren't The Only Psycho-Douchbags on OKCupid...

 May 5, 2011 – 9:03pm
You are very cute and very hot too... I am going to be in the Bay Area this weekend.. If you want to meet up just hit me up! Sounds Despo? No worries... Well YES cos I am tired of having no guy to hug and kiss lol! Just kidding...

Just wanted to say 'Hi' and thought of creeping you out for a bit! Lol

Have a good rest of the evening!

-Girl's Name

May 4, 2011 – 9:01am
I was just kidding.. But believe me, if you are single... It's different.. Having no one to kiss and hugs sucks.. It sucks for me sometimes too.. I work at this place where there are no single cute men, actually there are no single men at all.. There are all old married men lol! I don't understand how the bar scene works.. Anyways I cannot hang out at the bar either. With whom can I btw? 95% of my friends in US are married rest 5% are out of country.

-Girl's Name

May 5, 2011 – 9:48am
Where are you from? Don't they have bars there? Why can't you hang out in bars? Not to say that the bar scene is the end all or anything. So if you're not heading to the bars on the weekend what are you doing? What brings you to the Bay Area this weekend?

J 

May 5, 2011 – 9:54am
Ok.. I admit.. This must be a huge turn off for you.. I don't know how to do the bar thing and I am new to how to meet men and stuff... Not good at it.. Yea yea call me dumb. I am traveling there to meet my cousin
 
May 5, 2011 – 10:01am
Actually I am not good at Internet thing either.. It doesn't allow ppl to be themselves you have to always walk on eggshells lol

May 5, 2011 – 10:52am
Scared you away?? You are not the first guy to judge.. I wan to be with someone worldly and spontaneous.. Someone who has a damn passport and has travelled the world like me lol.. There is no point being so weary all the time.. I am not telling you my ethnicity or where I am from.. I have come across plenty of ppl who on this free website who hate ppl of colour ( the world has moved on you also should), ppl of certain ethnicity etc. You are not getting anything from me. Bye bye..

May 5, 2011 – 11:26am
geez louise what? race-card out of absolutely nowhere. awesome. the only thing i hate about people of color is when they use the retarded phrase "people of color"...by the way, in my experience white people are more guilty of this than "ppl of color"...
did you really just get mad at me on okcupid? i asked you where you were from because you're obviously not a native speaker of English and i was curious.

[Girl's Name], if that is really you in those photos you should have no problem meeting and attracting men. you're very pretty. what is not attractive is jumping to insane conclusions based on absolutely nothing. you're right, you definitely don't know how to do the online dating thing. take it easy, don't get crazy clingy in the span of a few hours, wait for a reply before sending a new message (i was on my way to work, not ignoring you) and quit thinking the world is out to get you because you have (beautiful) brown skin...

j 

May 5, 2011 – 4:57pm
You didn't mention your religion in your profile, neither your diet, body type, smoke, job, income, children, pets.. I would like to know that.. Will you tell me? No you would never.. Did I ask you about your religion? Was I like.. Ohh... Your jaw structure is jewish with a combination of spanish blah blah? When I contacted you I was just plain interested in knowing you.. And people who are interested don't have questions. They keep an open mind and just go with the flow and that's what I did. You already read that I have a British accent. If I am not good at dating it is not my fault, it is just a positive thing because that means I don't pick just about anybody. And for that you judged me and didn't even bother to reply. You were not even interested in me/my profile because if you were you would have asked me "How are you doing?" "Hows your day going?" or whatever... but instead of that it's just those detective-type questions.. 'Why are you coming to the Bay Area?" Why the heck do you care? If I am coming I am coming.. No one should ever be put in a spot like that where they are asked questions.. A man who would like my profile and would be interested in knowing me would just want to know me, talk to me, etc.. But this seemed like such a chore! I was not interested in answering your questions, honestly I was like "What the heck". I am not a clingy desperate woman.. I was just teasing you with my very first message. I cannot believe you formed a whole impression of me in your mind like that. If you go to a new country and people always keep asking you about your ethnicity/where you are from all the time you are going to be bugged.. At some point people want to be accepted as they are and just be considered a part of the whole thing. Anyways you won't understand.

I will repent that I contacted you.. Its bad when men do that. But the good thing is I know very well how to not pick the wrong guy.. Thank goodness

dreamt i was GG Allan's drummer, the naked one, i was playing an Iggy Pop tune solo at a The Grouch show. GG told me that he hated The Grouch but that he doesn't throw feces at Hip Hoppers. i caught a huge black scorpion that looked like a Gundam model, it was as big as a cantaloupe. i was being attacked by a black kitten on my right arm, i couldn't get it off no matter how hard i squeezed it and hit it and held it away, i was kind of fucking with it and and being terrorized by it at the same time. i caught a bobcat and put it in a small aquarium in my parent's garage. my Dad put the scorpion into the aquarium with the bobcat. i tried to feed the kitten to the bobcat but it only wanted to nurse it. me and Cat were walking to my Mom's house on Thanksgiving. Len Shneyder was riding an ATV, i was bouncing on a yoga ball. there were women joggers with nice asses everywhere. Cat was pushing a shopping cart full of soda and cookies and crackers. there was a man delivering milk out of a tanker truck, i could smell the dead bobcat and scorpion in the milk. Cat left the shopping cart in the garage. we walked into the house together and said "Happy Thanksgiving"...

Bhanu Kapil with a saw posing for Andrew Kenower with Juliana Spahr in the backgrhoud at Condensory #10

I met some homeless Juggalos outside of Nick's Bar in North Berkeley a few hours later. I asked if I could take their picture. This is Shadow, he's holding a skateboard in his right hand.

And this is Hungry Hippo. I asked him if Faygo was available in Northern California. He told me that it was. I asked him if Faygo was good to drink with vodka. He told me it tasted better straight up.