Cabin Fever or, I Love Eli Roth

in light of this weekend's trip to Jenner to marinate in the woods and enjoy all the luxuries a rugged cabin adventure has to offer...i offer you my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies...




Karen: Bert, what the hell is that?
Bert: Huh? Oh, I'm gonna go shoot some squirrels.
Paul: Why would you wanna kill squirrels?
Bert: 'cause they're gay.
Karen: Bert, don't be a fucking retard.
Bert: I'm kidding. I don't care if they're gay or straight, I'll kill 'em either way.

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Bert: God damn it! What pancakes, you fuck?

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Karen: That guy asked for our help and we lit him on fire...

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Justin: Yeah, he's a professor... OF BEING A DOG! OOOH, FACED!... Scratch moded!

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Jeff: I don't want any of us getting sick, but you two fuckin' fuckers insist on touching her, now she's bleeding all over both you guys! So you two can fuckin rot, but not me, no fuckin way not me!
[Jeff runs off carrying beer]

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Dennis: Pancakes. Pancakes!
Bert: No pancakes.
Dennis: PANCAKES!
Bert: No pancakes!

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[last lines]
Old Man Cadwell: Hi, my nigga, how are you?
Ray Shawn: What's up, nigga? What you doin? Where ya been, man, where ya been?

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Paul: Hey, where are you going?
Karen: Where does it look like I'm going?
Paul: But, well, I thought we were kissing.
Karen: Yeah, we were, weren't we?
Paul: So... you like me now? Like, is this a date?
Karen: Don't be gay.

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[first lines]
The Hermit: Hey, boy. Hey, boy. Hey, boy. Unn? C'mon, boy. Hey. Hey. Hey, fella.

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[last lines after credits]
Old Man Cadwell: Ah... word.

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Karen: Paul? Is everything okay?
Deputy Winston: Howdy, ma'am. Everything's Fine. Just go back inside, have yourself a big 40... just party.
Karen: Umm... Okay.

"do you guys happen to have a sand dollar, a quarter or a yo yo?"

my friend http://everydaycaitlin.vox.com/

"She is refering to San Francisco's great male growth-inhibitor--it's bike culture. "I get the whole bike thing, I really do...I just wish...well, I wish they would just get over themselves and fucking wear helmets." I can tell she wants to talk more about this, perhaps privately, but right now she seems nervous. I go on and ask her about her job."

...

"Concord will take you off the internet."

K. Cunningham

...

last night was a bunch of fun...

imbibed stoop beers with the roomie...have you guys tried Anchor's Summer Season Beer? it's amazing, it's a really clean beer with a head thick as eggwhites, i think if i lathered it all over my face it would clean my pores, tasty stuff...the roomie and i talked a lot about girls, about my recent "dating" experiences...about how my recent "dating" experiences have been lame, "dating" lame girls who i fool myself into thinking aren't lame in order to continue "dating"...i need to stop doing that and i'm not sure why i'm doing it right now...i've never been the kind of person that settles for whatevs just because whatevs is presently interested in me...and then when whatevs happens to be a really bad kisser, it's even worse...

and then just as i was about to settle in and start Deadwood Season 2 i got a call from my "Faux-Ga" Becky
...a Faux-Ga is a Faux girlfried...all the perks of having a girlfriend without any of the nasty bits...all the cuddling, flirting, eating, gift giving, goofing off, activity partner parts without the prophylactics...eveyone should have a Faux-Ga/ Faux-Ba...Becky and i are going to collaborate on a piece for Working Class Mag about our nascent Faux-Ga movement, it's gonna change the urban landscape and all that jazz...i digress, so Becky called and said she was at Fly Bar down the street and that Orth
was working and to come and say hello...so i skated to Fly Bar on a warm SF evening excited to see Beck cause i've been missing her lately due to said dating of lame'ish girls and because of visitors from out of town who commit the sin of wearing their ipods and reading magazines during road trips where there's only two people in the car and i'm one of those two people and i'm the driver (blech, super rude no?), but also because Beck was in NYC visiting her actual boyfriend for the last few days...so at Fly Bar Becky is hanging out with her friend and recent NYC to SF transplant, Becca...so, Becky and Becca, got that? Becca is a hilariously cute little fashionista...i believe she was wearing tit-high Wranglers bought somewhere recently in Kansas, and wearing them well...Becca also speaks in abbrevs (Vice be damned!) which was a little surreal because i'm presently reading Orwell's 1984 and abbrevs-speak shares a lot of the same philological properties as Newspeak, i digress...anyway, Becky and Becca and i had lot's of free beers compliments of Orth, Becky and Becca also had a couple shots of that fake Japanese vodka shit (Soju?) they serve at all chi chi beer/wine bars around SF, i passed on the Soju...Becky and i talked a lot of smack on "lame beezies" and "douchy dudes" all the while reaffirming out Faux-love for each other...after drinks i ripped myself away from the beauty that is Becky to walk Becca home a few blocks...a stone's throw from her building she dragged me into a liquor store where she bought a bunch of Sparks (Sparx?) fruity malt liquor crap (you ever had that stuff? it's like Red Bull meets Diet Crystal Lite, not good)...she cracked that Sparks as soon as we left the store and sort of forced me to share it with her for the duration of the walk (20 paces)...Sparks is fowl...Becca is hilarious (hilars?). i can tell Becky, Becca and i will be hanging out a bunch. great gals.

and then i skated home and my friend Paige came over and we hung out for a bit and listened to rap music and drank more beers (Anchor Summer Beer!) and she made me some amazing meatloaf cupcake-shaped things...and then i got to bed pretty late and didn't get that much sleep but woke up to a radiantly sunny San Francisco morning and am in a fantastic mood and am currently trying to convince my guy friends to meet me in the Panhandle after work to throw the ball around and drink tall cans.

1998

this is real news from a real story...

The lightsaber was handed over to the space agency on Tuesday by Chewbacca at the Oakland International Airport, not far from George Lucas' Skywalker Ranch.

dactyl

...

Greece is burning. i just called my dad to make sure our family is safe. thankfully they are. most of my family is vactioning at their summer home on the island of Evia, where some of the worst fires are raging. thankfully my family is on the non-burning side of the island. my Theo Lucurgo told my dad that "half of us are going to die by the fires while the other half die from depression"...my Thea Sophia told my dad that Pireaus is raining ashes.

Suzanne Stein on yesterday's really fun performance of Brandon Brown's The Persians By Aeschylus (photos by Alli Warren "Amy King Copyright Law 2007")

Suzanne Stein, Dan Fisher, Lauren Shufran, Taylor Brady

Brent Cunningham

Me and Dana Ward

audience at the Presidio
You who don't live in the Bay Area, do you know the difficulty in getting to the Presidio from any points not already Presidio? the war was Over There, and we collectively counter-pointed. All in attendance, the players and the audience of ---twenty-five?---so collected & by playing and listening having spoken! so fantastic.

Anna Moschovakis at Kicking Wind

The world can use all the help it can get, and any activity--poetry writing and reading and translating and publishing included--can either ratify or resist the world's worst tendencies. Ortega y Gasset made this great distinction, in an essay on the feasibility of translation, between good utopians and bad utopians. Good utopians genuinely believe in the impossibility of the task at hand, but they attempt it anyway because it (the attempt, as well as the task) is intrinsically valuable. Bad utopians are optimists in disguise; they secretly think that because the impossible goal is worth pursuing, it must ultimately be attainable; it's the idea of attainability that is actually motivating them. It seems to me that a net-positive change in the world, from poetry or from anything, is unlikely, and its desirability doesn't make it any more possible. But we have to do something while we are on this earth--we can't just sit on it and wait for it to shatter. And the means are all we have, since we'll never know the end. So on my better days I try to be a Good Utopian: Poetry (and I) can't change the world. Poetry (and I) should try.

...

i can't stop listening to this song right now. it makes me want to go out and accomplish things. big things.

...

woke up really hungover but in a euphoria...right now as i'm typing this i'm dancing to Jay-Z's Big Pimpin' but thinking about this song which i've been playing over and over again all morning..."bout 24in is about how low i let it hang...!!!"

you ever do that? hungover but in an amazing mood?

my sister and mom are on their way to the city to bring me love and pistachio nuts and a rotisserie chicken!

last night:

played a bad set at D-Structure (and i'd just like to mention that Francois has stopped in to say hello every Friday since i got this weekly...thanks Francois)...cabbed to the TL where i played improv keyboard with Orth while Armand looked on disapprovingly...went to the Castle...went to Whiskey...i left with my brother's roommate Ryan...went to Hemlock to see Tory and say happy birthday...and then

after a thousand nervous text messages each one more confident than the next i finally met up with Caitlin (www.everydaycaitlin.vox.com) at some bar in the Upper Haight called Bum Zam Zam (no joke!)...we had fun, i said some ridiculous shit, but i told her i probably would so it was foreshadowed. and then tonight she's having a Boat Party at her apartment in SOMA. so far all my friends are bitching out (per usual) so i think i'll call my brother who never bitches out (per usual)...

happy Saturday,
do you chain hang low?

...

after my short nap in the library i put out a mass text message to my girlfriends (cause they're better shoppers, natch!) inquiring where the best place to find a nice zip up black or blue hoodie would be...and coast to fucking coast they all responded "aa," to which i responded "what's that?"...to which they emphatically responded "AMERICAN APPAREL DUMMY!"...

girls are no joke. i love girls.

from SF to NYC i guess "aa" is where it's at.

i'm venturing there after work. wish me luck.

...

logan ryan smith: touche

james sakkis: hands off

...

and can i just say...

Americans don't stroll...

...

awww, i love it when people at work mistake me for a doctor...makes me feel like i'm living up to my potential.

"Thanks Dr. Sakkis."

The Separation Of Church And State by Gary Sullivan is fantastic...

SUSAN CUDLIPP: I worked at Wendy's for about two years and I personally think that anyone who uses any of the following should be shot:

"Aks" instead of "ask"
"Alrighty then"
"At the end of the day"
"Back in the day"
People who refer to popular vacation spot Cabo San Lucas as "Cabo"
"Ciao," "peace out," or other annoying "hip" ways to say goodbye
"Conversate"
"Don't go there"
"Fantabulous"
"FYI" (like you know something I don't)
"Good to go"
"Have a good one"
"I'd hit that"
"It's all good"
"My bad"
"No biggie"
"No can do"
"Quote Unquote" (with or without accompanying hand gestures)
"So, I was like"
"24/7"
"With all due respect" (something disrespectful comes next!)
"X is the new Y"
"You go girl"

my mom says "so totally awesome..."

my mom is the freaking best...she sends me nice emails like this one...

"So, I'll call you on Saturday morning or Friday night
if I know when we will be leaving here and bring you
your nuts! Yes, you are a healthy eater and we are
also. Don't know what poisoned Deme, but she was
really sick. I know James is your best friend because
he wrote that he was hanging out with his brother/best
friend! That made me happy and I'm so happy that you
consider him your best friend also. That is so
totally awesome and I think you and James are so
wonderful to be friends as well as brothers.
Okay, Paula is cooking now so I'm going to run. Love
you so much, Mom"

she's coming to San Francisco to bring me pistachio nuts (my favorite nut! and if you know me you know that i go through pistachio nuts like whoa...holy crap i love my momma...)

...

Nick Moudry

Thank you Gina Myers for sending me The Tiny #1 sometime last year which i only just now got around to reading

And thank you The Tiny editors for publishing Nick Moudry who i hadn't heard of before and who was the highlight of the issue for me

And thank you Nick Moudry for making my night on a warm San Francisco evening with two beers in my belly and Deadwood Season 1 on the brain

Moudry Moudry

...

crap i did this weekend

took Friday off.

drove to Monterey and Carmel with a friend from out of town.

visited Cannery Row.

drove through Carmel.

don't go to Monterey or Carmel, it's far away and it's exaclty like Fisherman's Wharf and Downtown Walnut Creek respectively. these places are actual bullshit and maybe only good if you're not a John Steinbeck fan so you won't be let down.

went to Rock The Bells on Saturday.

my friend from out of town bought me a VIP pass. we got schwag like ring tones, a cd, a backpack, a poster and maybe some drink tickets. i used my drink tickets up in 15 minutes. i watched Public Enemy amidst a sea of Hip Hop dickheads. i thought a lot about how i used to be a Hip Hop dickhead and how i was glad i wasn't anymore. after a while i got nervous and burned and i basically fled the show (ballpark parking lot) and jumped in a cab back to the Lower Haight (LH). in the LH i got idiotic with Magie and Tory and Becky and James and Jon and Kay and Emma and Roxy. by the way, i left my friend at the show. she was not happy at all and i felt bad but the beer was a salve.

don't go to Hip Hop festivals unless you're a fan of not really seeing anything that's happening on the stage.

my friend from out of town wasn't speaking to me so i went to Dolores Park with my brother. this is Sunday morning. we bought some beer and drank it with friends. we rode our bikes around the Lower Haight. i told some kid wearing a Rage Against The Machine shirt that i didn't like "Rage." he was not happy about that remark at all. as a challenge he told me that he hated Telegraph Ave. in Berkeley. i agreed with him. we were both happy and smoked a cigarette together.

i didn't really sleep last night though me and my friend from out of town made up. she left this morning. i honestly don't think i'll ever hear from that friend again. i messed up. but i'm a dickhead.

LRSN's Greek Festival...

i rode my bike to David Larsen's last night. David was having me and Brandon B. and Alli W. over for dinner. David just got back from Greece and wanted to have us over for dinner and to share his Greece photos.


David has a lot of neat bookshelves. He had this bookshelf that curved down the wall with books mounted on it curving down the wall. That bookshelf was outside his kitchen. This bookshelf was inside his bedroom.


David and Brandon talked a little bit about Ancient Greek. David and Brandon's legs were in front of where Alli and i were sitting. Alli and i talked a little about Library Science and San Jose State and the new M.I.A. record.


David fed us so much Greek-style lamb and horiatiki (Greek salad) and fried zucchini and Ouzo and feta and red wine that it felt like my Thea Vivi's apartment in Piraeus. I ate 4 lamb chops. David kept feeding me lamb chops even after i told him i couldn't eat anymore. This reminded me of my Thea Vivi and i told him that. And then David brought out a yellow karpoozi (watermelon) for dessert and we all said we couldn't possibly fit anything else in our bellies but we ate the watermelon up too.


We stood in the kitchen watching David cook and Alli chopped onions and that made her cry and i kicked this giant painting that David has been working on with my heel and Brandon's head looked pretty good in front of it.


I grew up reading Greek comics. I grew up reading "adult" Greek comics. They were "adult" in that they were political with some nudity rather than pornographic. I couldn't read Greek as a kid but i read them anyway. These comics on David's nightstand were kids comics.


Usually when i think of fried zucchini i think of bowling allys or maybe Antioch, CA. But for some reason when David cooks fried zucchini i thought of AEK football, stray Athenian cats and men in foustanellas.


I noticed that two of my books were on David nightstand. My translation of Siarita Kouka's Benthos and a copy of my new chapbook The Moveable Ones. This made me feel pretty good and i had to keep myself from picking up the books too much because that might be misconstrued as egotism.

I rode my bike home with a belly full of Hellas and sweat on my upperlip. It took me about 10 minutes to ride home. I woke up this morning still tasting last night's meal. My mouth tasted like Greek Easter and i thank David for that.

Brandon Brown's The Persians by Aeschylus, Aug 26...

FOR IMMEDIATE CIRCULATION; PLEASE CIRCULATE WIDELY

*****RIDES AVAILABLE TO THIS EVENT*****

*****BE AWARE, THIS EVENT IS NOT WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE, OR NOT WITHOUT REAL DIFFICULTY*****

Dear Friends,

Come see military civilizations collide!, in a special production of

Brandon Brown's "The Persians by Aeschylus"

Brandon's text is a literal translation of "The Persians" by Aeschylus, which has been adapted for a site-specific performance in San Francisco's Presidio, at the bunkers near the Golden Gate Bridge.

-----
CURRICULUM SOURCES RELATED TO THE PERFORMANCE


For an artist statement by Brandon Brown on his translation, please see the DOCUMENTS section of the Nonsite Collective website (click on “Curriculum Resources”) at: www.nonsitecollective.org.

-----

The cast for this special performance will include: John Sakkis, Cynthia Sailers, Suzanne Stein, Dan Fisher, Taylor Brady, Tanya Hollis, Lauren Shufran, and Brent Cunningham.

We suggest you bring along a blanket and a cold beer for a hopefully not-so-cold afternoon.

The performance will begin at 2pm on Aug 26th. Rides to BART will be available afterwards, so that we all can catch the New Yipes event at 21 Grand in Oakland at 7pm, featuring novelist Steven Beachy and poet Lara Durback, with films by Martha XIV.

For more info, please see:
http://newyipes.blogspot.com/

-----
PRESIDIO MAP

For a map of the Presidio, please go to:
http://www.nps.gov/prsf/planyourvisit/maps.htm

There is a “Printable Park Map” pdf there; when printing, choose “crop” in order to get a larger image of the northwest corner of the map. This will give you an image that encompasses the Arguello St. entrance as well.

The bunker, called “Battery Marcus Miller,” is located at the very northwest (top left) corner of the map, about an inch below the Golden Gate Bridge. It should be easy to find on the map-image because it has a very distinct shape: it has two small semi-circles bulging out at the left (towards the west).

The bunker is also located right on the Coastal Trail, about .1 miles from the Golden Gate Bridge. There are spectacular views of the bridge here—almost like optical illusions.

For a re-scanned map of the Presidio with the bunker circled, please see the DOCUMENTS section of the Nonsite Collective Website (click on “Curriculum Resources”) at: www.nonsitecollective.org.

-----

We hope to see you all there!!

All best to you,

Brandon Brown, and the Nonsite Collective

The Moveable Ones is now available from Transmission Press

The Moveable Ones

...

1. Where did your last kiss take place?



2. Who knows a secret or two about you?



3. Four words to explain why you last threw up?



4. Have you ever burned yourself?



5. What's crazy to you?



6. Favorite cuss word:



7. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?


8. Who is your hero?



9. Would you ever want to be a supermodel?


10. Who is the most experimental person you know?



11. Do you tell white lies?



12. When is your next party?


13. Who do you want to be with right now?



14. Name the last five people you hung out with.



15. How do you handle a break up?


16. Your thoughts for tomorrow?



17. Do you know what you will wear tomorrow?


18. Last person to make you laugh?



19. Last thing you ate?



20. Do u ever go a few days without changing your underwear?



21. Have you ever accidentally eaten an insect?



22. Do daddy long legs freak you out?


23. Have you ever cleaned up someone else's vomit?



24. Have you ever dropped food on the floor and eaten it?



25. Do you kiss your pets on the mouth?


26. Do you talk baby talk?



27. What serial killer do you find most disturbing?



28. Do you watch court tv?



29. Would you ever work in a retirement home?



30. Do you believe plants have feelings?



31. Do you laugh at people with "bowl" haircuts?


32. Do you have nervous twitches?



33. Are you ever purposely irritating?



34. If you could fly, where would you go first?


35. Do you prefer boats or planes?



36. Love or lust?



37. One best friend or 10 aquaintances?



38. Favorite food?



39. Do you believe that your first love never dies?


40. What upcoming event are you waiting and ready for?



41. Current smell?



42. Do you get your nails done?



43. What are you wearing?


44. What was the last thing you ordered at McDonald's?


45. Are you an emotional person?



46. Do you like your name?



47. Do you have plans this weekend?



48. Do you work?



49. Do you dance naked in your room?



50. Whats your favorite tv show?



51. What are you listening to right now?


52. Biggest fear?



53. How long have you been a part of myspace?



54. Favorite place to be?



55. Favorite thing to do on a rainy day?



56. Are your toes painted?



57. Does anyone hate you?



58. How many people do you trust fully?