somebody's truck backed into me while i was asleep a couple weeks ago

they ripped a huge dent into my front hood. i had just gotten my front hood replaced because a women had pulled into my lane a few weeks ago on Frontage Rd. and i t-boned into her passenger side. her car was totaled, my car left with damage to the front hood. i paid $500 of my deductible to have it replaced. i gave that woman and her daughter a ride home to their house in Oakland. she offered me some meats from the butcher as gratitude. i slammed into her passenger side as she was coming from the grocery store. this man's truck dug a giant hole in my front hood two weeks later. i left him a note with my phone number. the truck's owner called my cellphone.

somebody slammed into me on the Bay Bridge a couple weeks ago and then somebody slammed into him and then he slammed back into me and then somebody slammed into the person who slammed into him. one car was totaled, one man went away in an ambulance, my bumper was barely hanging on, all the cassettes in my trunk flew out of their cases, all the change in my coin container flew at my face like buck-shot. i've never used the word buck-shot before.

highway patrol are like robots. they are very weird people. like Men In Black. i asked one of them a question. and then he didn't answer my question. so i asked him the same question again, politely. and he repeated word for word the same thing he just said, aggressively. i heard him the first time and he knew i heard him the first time. highway patrol are very weird people. i can't imagine a highway patrol having sex with anybody. i don't think they have genitals. i just got into a four car accident on the Bay Bridge in rush hour and the highway patrol was acting like a Man In Black. i locked my keys in my car. the highway patrol left, the Caltrans left. i was sitting on a barrier wall on the side of the Bay Bridge looking down at the ocean. i think some people driving by probably thought i was going to commit suicide. after 30 minutes or so a man in a Caltrans truck pulled up. he had a "lock kit" which he used to open my passenger side door. i drove home listening to the end of the Giants game.

my neck hurt for a few days so i went up to Jenner. i woke up early and filled my backpack with beers. i grabbed a book and a towel and made my way to the hot tub. i soaked my neck in the hot tub drinking beers, not reading the book, over looking the Sonoma County Pacific coast. the hot tub water was green, but it was warm so i didn't care. later that morning i ate a breakfast burrito and drank sun-tea with vodka and ice. later that night i went to a party in the Castro and kissed a girl i've been wanting to kiss since i was a teenager.

i just got back from LA. i don't mind all the driving. i think it's easy not to leave your neighborhood in San Francisco because it's easy not to walk. sometimes the idea of walking from my neighborhood to another neighborhood makes me paranoid. i get self-conscious walking through crosswalks. i feel like i'm being critiqued. i forget how to walk sometimes. i feel too focused, exaggerated. i don't like the driver's gaze. i hate making my way through their line of sight. if i had to drive everywhere in San Francisco i could avoid other people. i would go to more parties. go to more galleries, eat out at restaurants occasionally. i still wouldn't go to the movies. i only go to the movies with my Mom. and even with her not very much.

right now i'm alone in my apartment. my roommate is meeting his girlfriend's parents in Washington. i like being alone, i keep my bedroom door open. i'm looking at the internet less and less in the morning. i really do wish i had some real life skills. i come from people with skills. carpenters, sailors, cowboys, soldiers, priests, travelers. my brother works on a sailboat now, he built a garden box with my dad in their backyard. i've only gotten in a few fights. i wish it didn't take so much to make me mad. i feel like i should make something other than poems. i'm sick of smiling for people. if you're an awkward person, and you're making the situation awkward, i'm not going to go out of my way to make it less awkward. i miss running. i dream about skateboarding too much. i think that's how people lose some of their power. by trying to cross that bridge. just let it be weird and drink your wine. right now i'm reading things like Late Returns: A Memoir Of Ted Berrigan by Tom Clark, The Apocrypha and Ben Hur by Lew Wallace. i wrote a postcard to myself or whoever finds it, tucked it into a book and shelved it. i made sure to mention that it was 2010 and that i am 30 years old.

LA Summer 2010 trip was the epic'est LA trip so far...some things: Sophie Sills, Mole Mexican, Froster's Freeze, Silverlake, Joseph Mosconi and Rita Gonzalez, party in the hills w/ a million Black Widows, Eligh Wood and Miranda July (starfucking whatevs...) kicking it at the bar, meeting David Shook, Malibu beach sun bathing, Billy Jacks and Meg in Studio City, beers and more beers, Sicilian-style tuna melt, Jon Wright sleeping next to me, French press coffee, Matthew Timmons reading the KS Ursonate, Pisha Warden, late night tacos and chips, 7-11!!!, Girls' Hell Hole Rat Race, man with giant orange beard hitting on Sophie x infinity, Pisha's pug, SF skies in LA, Pisha's rooftop in the morning for breakfast tea overlooking West Hollywood, 101 North to the 405 to the I-5...can't wait to go back. XOXO LA...

heading to LA tomorrow...thinking about road trip cd-burns i'll make tonight. following the sun south. if i could find a job in LA i'd probably move there. i hate SF weather more than almost anything. we had no summer, we never have summer and i'm sick and tired of it. i think it ages you. i think i look like i'm 38 years old. all because of SF retarded summers. so hi Sophie Sills! hi Joseph Mosconi and Rita! hi Billy Jacks and Meg! hi Matthew T. and Ara S. and Harold A.! hi Echo Park! hi Silverlake! hi Studio City! hi sun! see you tomorrow...

Sophomore year high school photos...holy crap.

my mom just joined Facebook. her profile picture is her throwing up the West Coast "W"...gnar-buckets for dayz...love you mom!

going to Jenner cabin this weekend with the boys and girls...

50 Tyson is my favorite...i want to eat cheeseburgers and drink rootbeer with this dude. adorable...

4 Brilliant Horror Movie Themes

Candyman Theme Philip Glass



Hellraiser Theme Christopher Young



Suspiria Theme Goblin



Dies Irae variation Wendy Carlos and Rachel Elkind

recently read...

1. Try- May 10, 2010

2. Pastoral- Carl Phillips

3. Wilson- Daniel Clowes

4. On: Contemporary Practice #1

5. Combo #2

6. Heads Up Fever Pile- Karen Weiser (Belladonna #77)

7. Belleza Y Felicidad- Fernanda Laguna/ Gabriela Bejerman/ Cecilia Pavon- trans. Urayoan Noel

8. How To Read The Aura And Practice Psychometry, Telepathy and Clairvoyance- W.E. Butler

9. The Redneck Manifesto- Jim Goad

10. Il Cuore: The Heart Selected Poems- Kathleen Fraser

11. Transfer #61

12. Torn Awake- Forrest Gander

13. Zephyrus Image: A Bibliography- Alastair Johnston

14. Temblor #2

15. Hyper Glossia- Stacy Szymaszek (Belladonna #80)

16. You But For The Body Fell Against- Nathalie Stephens (Belladonna #81)

17. from Human Resources- Rachel Zolf (Belladonna #82)

18. The Beekeeper's Departure- Jennifer Chapis

19. Lines #5

20. New American Writing #13

maybe it's because i wasn't raised with animals. maybe it's because i'm severely allergic to cat hair. maybe i'm just emotionally unavailable to pets. maybe i'm just jealous (probably not). but there is nothing more excruciatingly boring than a cute animal story/video/picture. esp cats. i could care less about your cat. i hate all your cat photos on flickr. in fact, if you're a girl, and you have a cat (like all of you) you may as well have genital warts. i'm not messing around with you (strangely, dog girls are incredibly sexy). but alas, this photo of a chinese monkey (he lives in china) running with a cute lil' dog in its arms, fleeing from a major explosion in nanjing slays me...the headline "Monkey Saves Puppy In Nanjing Explosion" is pretty goddamn heartwarming/ awesome...i laughed till i almost cried. then i scrolled down and read the story, then scrolled back up, and laughed till i almost cried all over again. is this what it feels like to own a pet? i love this monkey so much i want to crush it with hugs. suffocate it with smiles. bash in its brains with tickles. i love you hero-monkey, the world is yours!

UPDATE: Jezebel reported the story this morning, but i did some investigating (investigating!), the story might be fake, sadly. people are saying that this photo is from a couple of years ago. so either the story is true but they used an unrelated photo to illustrate (while lying about where the photo came from in the meantime). or the story is false and they used this photo to try to bolster credibility. either way, i'm heartbroken.

the full print hoodie, the bellbottoms of my generation...

this is a blog post generated out of sheer Sunday afternoon boredom + loosey goosey ethics...

Texts My Friends Sent Me This Weekend (in order of received top to bottom)

i'm gonna have to come by your place
to glue my tooth back in after it falls out again
i'll let you know
going to big lebowski live
fair weather friend sounds like
just got out of acupuncture soooooo high from it heading to East Bay now
k will do
yeah. if i get back before midnight i'll text you
going to the show at The Independent tonight. you be out and about?
headin to Nickie's
wrd
art walk!
heading towards Steiner now
where u? i want a drink
Danny Coyle's looks least crowded for a starter
just got here
dice? no dice? tell me a story
what're you doing?
in the Mission. you into Coyle's these days?
we're too far apart. what're you up to tomorrow?
kinda cold. why don't you come down this way? Delirium?
Missio bar crawl
whatcha doin?
we r coming now
let's hang out soon. night :)
sorry. going away party caravan last night for interns. sad its all ending n shit. i think i stumbled into koc noc. Weiiiirf
Nickie's? fuck i'm still in bed. so pathetic
whoa seriously? i don't see a future when i can get up
just got back from city of dreams...didn't have my phone. u feeling better?
just read this. chinese sounds good. i'm actually just eating straight peanut butter like a fat girl
and yeah, i dominated that battle
it's cool
lol watching Buffy right now! and no u weren't an asshole at all
i heart Giles
his brains r sexy. Willow's whiny. Xander's adorable. Cordelia's funny...and fine. and Buffy is queen of the worst one-lines ever :)
any time after 9:30
so very happy
oh yeah. seems to be a by-product of hanging out with u...:)
silly hat required
hey buddy i am in NC w Morgan. its hot! you are jealous!
what are you doing?
for sure, will not get you in trouble. or not that i could imagine anyway.
hoping so after i'm off of work! yay
yea Toranado now...be at Kate's soon
Truman's? i wish i knew, i'm still at work...
hey still chillin?
i am at Divis n Haight, should i come ova
address?
ya
yeah was gonna hit you on the way in. just for a night & heading to LA. you gonna be around? grab a beer?
are you going to the Hayes Valley farm today?
any chance i may crash till tuesday?
i thought today was monday
taking the long way to see the redwoods
when's that
maybe. i'm still in the Mission. moving slowly today. i can come meet you there
in Oakland hills for the day
work
yup
do you wanna go to flour + water with us and Ally for dinner?
bbq at the Khalafallah's
does that mean you wanna go or not?
holllleerrrrrr

hiking through La Mission on Amelia's 30th birthday...

Your Dad's Bacon Butt (dumb birthday poem for Amelia)

jon likes building bikes
more than your dad's bacon

but you peeped
his tattoos in the panhandle
true-blue

let's jump in the hot tub in jenner
jon filled it with bacon grease
and bike parts, his favorite things

besides you

Shit I Eat Late At Night

Kirkland almonds



and Havarti cheese



and BBQ sauce



on a spoon



and then in my mouth

California


it would cost more to drive to LA anyway

there's a futon in your kitchen
you bought me a 32oz and it's in your kitchen

they're called "Congress Created Dust Bowl" right
and they're kind of like The Delta right

and they're playing the Greek Theater tonight
right, the deceased live in Oakland cause

when your lead singer lives in SoCal you'll
drive so much you become an aqueduct

sometimes i see trucks with NorCal decals
but everyone from here knows that no one

ever said "NorCal," that's a SoCal thing
like only Tupac or New Yorkers say "Cali"

and I remember reading Thrasher
that TED rant about Toyota-bros slapping

skate stickers on their bumpers, Slime Balls
Psycho Eyes and Per Welinder skulls

but maybe these weren't stickers just
baggy hoodies or cherry beaches

the top of the food chain is shotgunning water
south of Fresno just to spite the So.

and gnarly actually just means seriously

James Sakkis, American hero...1982-

i have some new RAVE ON! poems in the just launched Peacock Online Review

i think that's a big fat sperm-beast. that's all.

finished reading Temblor #3 this morning. i've read 4 issues of the magazine thus far. #1,2,3 and 8. i've had the same experience of dread upon starting each issue and then the same feeling of relief upon finishing each issue. i love [old] magazines. i'm a collector of old magazines. i own all 10 issues of Leland Hickman's groundbreaking [??] journal Temblor. i bought them from Green Apple in 2002. it was a big haul, each issue cost 10 dollars, George Albon who was working the counter gave me a complimentary Green Apple tote bag because it was such a large haul (i still use the tote today for produce shopping). Kevin Killian told me that all those Temblor's probably belonged to Lew Ellingham (which is neat). over the years i've also scored an almost complete set of David Levi-Strauss and Benjamin Hollander's ACTS as well as a smattering of rare and lesser known mags like Steve Abbott's Soup, Cyanosis (out of Santa Rosa), James Schuyler's Broadway and Aram Saroyan's Lines et al. so yeah, i really really love old po-magazines. but Temblor, man, Temblor is kind of a drag.

Temblor is a medical journal. it looks like one and it reads like one. each issue is about 140-160 pages. all covers are a variation of 70's ranch house brown. each issue is filled with a gaggle of poets that appeared in earlier issues (Language based mostly). each issue contains anywhere from 4-6 "compleat" sections where the poets' work is featured at chapbook length. you'd think the "compleats" would rule, it's a pretty cool idea (and probably the first magazine to do it), but they don't, they are tedious (no matter how good the work)...i don't know if it's Hickman's editorial POV that wears on me, or that is seems like the same coterie of names appear throughout the entire run, or if it's the monotone-stucco design aesthetic that bums me out, or simply the daunting size of each issue that turns me off (poems bleeding into poems which in my experience often happens with oversize issues). actually, it's all of these things, but it's also the knowledge that groundbreaking, rigorous AND entertaining magazines like Soup and Jimmy & Lucy's House Of "K" and Life Of Crime were contemporaneous with Temblor. Temblor is decidedly not entertaining.

so i finished Temblor #3 this morning (that's when i read these magazines, in the morning before showering) and picked up Lines #5. the energy of the two magazines couldn't be further apart. (Granted Lines came out 20 years before Temblor but that shouldn't preclude it). Lines is a magazine - Temblor is a journal. i prefer magazines. but because i have this weird OCD thing where i have to read cover to cover every book i've ever purchased in order of the date of purchase i have 6 more issues of Temblor to get though. and in a way this is actually a good thing. i'm constantly being forced (by myself) to read books i'd otherwise pass on. like Jane Eyre (which dates in The Order to around 1997), which i'm reading right now, and 250 pages in i'm finally enjoying. on the other hand with poetry i'm on the year 2002 (books by friends are exempt), so last week i read Forest Gander's Torn Awake (a book i bought in '02), and it was the worst...but now i know that i don't care for Forest Gander. and that's a good thing. so if i had it my way i probably wouldn't read the remaining issues of Temblor, but i don't really have it my way, my weird tics are going to make me finish the full run. and i'm glad about that. after all, as much as i don't like the journal, it has it's place in West Coast poetry history, and i'm experiencing that historical moment albeit 25 years later. and i appreciate that. i'm just not entertained by it.

thinking i need to start BOTH BOTH magazine up again. that would be fun.